He Said - Love Reruns



  it's private  
 

 

In a word - NO! I have a rule: They are an ex for a reason - NO DO-OVERS! The underlying issues on the original break-up persist. We are creatures of our environment, products of what we have experienced and (I hate this term) victims of it. Yes, I know we grow and change, but that only works if you are willing to do so. Unfortunately, too many people are stuck in the past. They let it control their life, and therefore do NOT change. So, you are running back to the same problems you had last week, month, or year.

So if I have this rule, why have I broken it in the past? Fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone. When you go back to an ex it won't be perfect, but at least you know how to deal with their dysfunction. You can program responses to known issues and try to ignore or deal with the the 'Idiosyncrasies'. This is not growing ... this is stagnation. When fear drives us, we are in the passenger seat.

Life is a learning experience. Twice in my life I let fear drive me back in to the arms of an ex. Both times were mistakes, and I KNEW they were going to end badly. The first was a woman I eventually married, believing that love would conquer all. All it really did was postpone the inevitable and cost some serious green. The second was an experiment on the rule itself. I let her back in because I knew it was going to end shortly after it started and I wanted to see how long it would take. I figured a week ... she dumped me after 3 days.

When the relationship is over, call it DOA and bury it. If you don't you may miss out on someone truly special. I recently met someone who is everything I have looked for in a significant other. I am stumbling through, learning about her, and to be honest it is scary. But life was never meant to be easy or safe. We learn about it, others, and ourselves by living life, not through fearing it.